Better relationship
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.
“Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

Mother of Six

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6
children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her
first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles.

A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her
husband's description. "Mother of six," he would say, "Get me a
beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?"

This type of situation persisted to a boiling point.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly
yelled out, "Hey mother of six, I think it's time to go!"

The wife seized the moment and shouted back, "I'll be right with
you -- father of four!"

Punctuation
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

A Day at the Zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

I have a frog in the back
A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."

"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be
bothered by her husband that night.

She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

Saudi interviewed

A Saudi being interviewed at the US Embassy.


Consul: "Your name please?"

Saudi: "Abdul-Aziz."

Consul: "Sex?"

Saudi: "Six time a week."

Consul: "I mean, male or female?"

Saudi: "Both male and female sometime even camels."

Consul: "Holy cow!"

Saudi: "Yes, cows & dogs too."

Consul: "Man, isn't that hostile?"

Saudi: "Horse style, dog style, any style!"

Remaining of saudi

Consul: "Oh Dear"

Saudi: "No Deer, they run too fast"

ENJOY

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.