Confucius Say
A Penis is the only thing that a woman hopes she will find
hard to handle.
Confucius Say
A relationship is the opportunity to
do something you hate with someone you love.
Confucius Say
The
inventor of shag carpet made a big pile.
Confucius Say
Some Sex Is
Good...More Is Better...Too Much Is Just About Right
Confucius Say
A
Tattoo is permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Confucius Say
The
Opera is the only place where a guy gets stabbed and instead of bleeding, he
sings.
Confucius Say
A Magazine is a bunch of printed pages that
tell you what's coming in the next issue.
Confucius Say
A Cannibal
is person who likes to see other people stewed.
Confucius Say
An
Optimist is a girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
Confucius Say
A
Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
Confucius Say
A penis
has a hole in the end so men can be open minded.
Confucius Say
Watch
a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea how she'll be
in bed.
Confucius Say
Man with five dicks will have pants that fit
like a glove.
Confucius Say
It's ok to let a fool kiss you, but
don't let a kiss fool you.
Confucius Say
To reuse a condom, turn it
inside out and shake the [Disallowed String for - banned word] out of it
Confucius Say
Men screw with
dicks; women screw with minds.
Confucius Say
Masturbation is a solo
played on a private organ.
Confucius Say
Mother's Day comes nine
months after father's day.
Confucius Say
A kiss is just shopping
upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
Confucius Say
It's all right to
sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you're
done.
Confucius Say
Killing two birds with one stone often ends with
hate mail from the humane society.
Confucius Say
The best way to
save face, is to keep the lower part of it shut.
Confucius Say
To
make a long story short, don't tell it.
Confucius Say
Never approach
a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
Confucius Say
A giraffe's family reunion is called "necks of kin."
Confucius Say
A man is only as faithful as his options.
Confucius Say
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is
two-tired.
Confucius Say
Never argue with a fool...he may be doing
the same thing.
Confucius Say
The best way to keep your word is not
to give it.
Confucius Say
A man's last will and testiment is a dead
give away.
Confucius Say
When you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.
Confucius Say
Bad singers break into song
because they can't find the key.
Confucius Say
The wise speak when
they have something to say,
the fools speak when they have to say something.
Confucius Say
If you worry about yesterday's failures, todays
successes will be few.
Confucius Say
A Rubix cube is like a penis.
The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.
Confucius Say
The
greatest fault is to be conscious of none.
Confucius Say
He who
thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.
Confucius Say
A woman can humiliate any man by simply saying "Hold
my purse."
Confucius Say
An Egotist a person more interested in
himself than in me.
Confucius Say
When solving problems, dig at the
roots instead of hacking at the leaves.
Confucius Say
The best time
to go to the dentist is tooth hurty.
Confucius Say
ArtifIcial
Insemination is procreation without recreation.
Confucius Say
The
useless skin around a penis is called "a man".
Confucius Say
Pubic
hair is just organic dental floss.
Confucius Say
It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.
Confucius Say
A single fact can ruin a good argument.
Confucius Say
An Arch Criminal is one who robs shoe stores.
Confucius Say
The best way for university student to turn their life
completly around is to get 90 degrees.
Confucius Say
The worst thing about oral sex is the view
Confucius Say
An old grave digger is called an Elderberry
Confucius Say
A gay gentleman from the Deep South is called a
homo-sex-y'all
Confucius Say
A Greek tampon is called "Abzorba the Leak."
Confucius Say
Even a fish can escape being caught, if it keeps its mouth
shut.
Confucius Say
Well done is better than well said.
Confucius Say
Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck
out.
Confucius Say
New York manufacturer of gentlemen's headwear is called
"Manhatten".
Confucius Say
Homosexuals don't play chess because they don't want to
sacrifice a Queen.
Confucius Say
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Confucius Say
Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in
the end.
Confucius Say
The quietest place in the world is the complaint department
at a parachute packing plant.
Confucius Say
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
Confucius Say
A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking
and 69.
Confucius Say
A vagina is like a very small hotel. One must leave his bag
outside.
Confucius Say
A Platonic Relationship develops after two good friends are
tired of screwing each other.
Confucius Say
A chicken is the result of a sitting hen, while a baby is
the result of standing cock.
Confucius Say
Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow'
will end up pissing on 'today'.
Confucius Say
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy
Confucius Say
When one man rub lotion on another man, it is called
"Men-Gay".
Confucius Say
Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, dosen't know if he's coming
or going.
Confucius Say
If a bulldog and a shitsu are mated, it would be called a
"bullshit".
Confucius Say
Jamaican proctologist is called "Pokemon".
Confucius Say
Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to
others.
Confucius Say
Flatulence is the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.
Confucius Say
Man who mix Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.
Confucius Say
Prisoners complain behind bars, husbands complain in
them.
Confucius Say
The difference between a dog and a fox is about five
drinks.
Confucius Say
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
Confucius Say
Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for
what fails you.
Confucius Say
A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
Confucius Say
A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even
though you're slightly cracked.
Confucius Say
A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose
weight.
Confucius Say
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Confucius Say
A Politician is one who shakes your hand before elections
and your confidence after.
Confucius Say
If woman meets a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift, she
should exchange him.
Confucius Say
A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally
ill patient.
Confucius Say
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire
at one end, fool at the other.
Confucius Say
A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go
up.
Confucius Say
A humorous question on an exam is called "Testicle".
Confucius Say
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it
out, you lose interest.
Confucius Say
To get an Irishman to climb on the roof, tell him that the
drinks are on the house
Confucius Say
Man with a lisp will walk with a Lymph.
Confucius Say
Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes,
wants to have marathon session.
Confucius Say
At a nudist wedding, you don't have to ask - you can see
who the best man is.
Confucius Say
A Church's bills are always "Due unto others"
Confucius Say
Egghead is what Mrs. Dumpty gives Humpty
Confucius Say
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm is called "Sperm
Wail".
Confucius Say
Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.
Confucius Say
For every woman with a curve, there are several men with
angles.
Confucius Say
Never marry a woman with big hands. It will make your dick
look smaller
Confucius Say
The only thing divorce proves is whose mother was right in
the first place.
Confucius Say
A vigorous masturbation session is called "Hand to Gland
Combat".
Confucius Say
An airplane girl is a blonde who has a black box
Confucius Say
Gay dinosaur is called Mega-sor-ass.
Confucius Say
A flying saucer will appear when a nudist spills his coffee
Confucius Say
To get rid of unwanted pubic hair, one must spit.
Confucius Say
A prostitute with a degree in psychology will blow your
mind.
Confucius Say
Always wear Stealth condoms...they'll never see you coming.
Confucius Say
A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be
Mary.
Confucius Say
Amish woman's secret fantasy is two Mennonite.
Confucius Say
When a bomb goes off in the middle of a herd of cows, there
will be udder destruction.
Confucius Say
Best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the
head.
Confucius Say
A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering
alcoholic
Confucius Say
Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a
fortune.
Confucius Say
A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.
Confucius Say
Man who want to catch a bra, should set a boobie trap.
Confucius Say
Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
Confucius Say
If You look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who
seeks advice from bakery products.
Confucius Say
Virgin like balloon...one prick, all gone.
Confucius Say
A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the
premises without restricting the view.
Confucius Say
Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Confucius Say
Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as
gratifying.
Confucius Say
You know you are a geek when you look at a movie trailer
and think, "I have that font."
Confucius Say
Birds of a feather flock together...then crap on your car.
Confucius Say
Men are like spray paint. One squeeze and they're all over
you.
Confucius Say
Couple who cross LSD with birth control pills, get a trip
without the kids.
Confucius Say
To circumcise a whale, send down four skin divers.
Confucius Say
An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque
Confucius Say
The opening in the front of your boxer shorts is called the
"Circumvent".
Confucius Say
A bachelor is man who never makes the same mistake once.
Confucius Say
Never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.
Confucius Say
Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will
"Abdicate".
Confucius Say
Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.
Confucius Say
Woman who absentmindedly answer the door in her nightie is
"Negligent"
Confucius Say
When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage,
husband will disappear.
Confucius Say
It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when
they'll know as little as their parents.
Confucius Say
Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order "sum yung guy".
Confucius Say
The difference between pink and purple, is your grip.
Confucius Say
The worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding
anniversary is morning sickness.
Confucius Say
Rudolph was grounded after his dad saw his report card
because he went down in history.
Confucius Say
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and
work your way to the bottom, while getting a rise.
Confucius Say
A kiss on the lips is just shopping upstairs for downstairs
merchandise.
Confucius Say
Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable
uncertainty.
Confucius Say
12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 Lite year.
Confucius Say
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter is Eskimo
Pi
Confucius Say
Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.
Confucius Say
Police will arrest a transvestite, and charge him with male
fraud.
Confucius Say
Marriage is like taking a bath... after you've been in it
for a while, it isn't so hot.
Confucius Say
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Confucius Say
People are like teabags - you don't know how strong they
are until you put them in hot water.
Confucius Say
Pedophiles love Halloween because of "Free home delivery".
Confucius Say
One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
Confucius Say
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
Confucius Say
If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
Confucius Say
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most
important.
Confucius Say
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Confucius Say
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is not
happiness without action."
Confucius say:
Man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber.
Confucius Say
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
Confucius Say
Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
Confucius Say
The white powder found on your penis after a blind date is
called Handthrax
Confucius Say
The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say
something.
Confucius Say
It's not what you wear, it's how you take it off.
Confucius Say
Taliban's national bird is "duck"
Confucius Say
Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone, both look out window and
see Rubble
Confucius Say
An Impotent Loser is one who can't even get his hopes up.
Confucius Say
"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good
busboy.Ask waitress for application."
Confucius Say
"Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you
just ate was indeed duck."
Confucius Say
Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."
Confucius Say
Gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy much alike. Both can
smell it, but they can't eat it.
Confucius Say
Food that goes rotten while being transported to the store
is "un-pallet-able".
Confucius Say
It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.
Confucius Say
Dry cleaner who is in a hurry for a date, will be pressed
for time.
Confucius Say
When Indian Chief Shortcake died, squaw bury Shortcake
Confucius Say
The difference between wives and husbands is, Wives want to
videotape the birth of their child.
Husbands want to videotape the
conception.
Confucius Say
Man who checks out woman's package, dosen't always work for
UPS.
Confucius Say
Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.
Confucius Say
Dalmatians can't play hide and seek, because they are
always spotted.
Confucius Say
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a replacement.
Confucius Say
He who hesitates is probably right.
Confucius Say
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when
it's open.
Confucius Say
The toilet of the Star Ship Enterprise contains 'the
captains log'.
Confucius Say
The biggest room you have, is the room for improvement.
Confucius Say
Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your
car.
Confucius Say
An 'Areoplane Blonde' is one who has bleached her hair but
still has a 'black box'.
Confucius Say
One cow spying on another cow is called a steak out.
Confucius Say
A butler with no teeth is an in-dentured servant.
Confucius Say
Part-time bandleaders should be called 'semi-conductors'.
Confucius Say
The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
Confucius Say
Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power
is defeated by feminine water power.
Confucius Say
Heat must travel faster than cold because, it is easy to
catch a cold.
Confucius Say
If men had breasts, they would wear off the pockets of
their shirts.
Confucius Say
Deaf people have phone sex by fax.
Confucius Say
A "smart ass" is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone
and tell you what flavor it is
Confucius Say
Viagra is like Disneyland... a one hour wait for a 2-minute
ride.
Confucius Say
It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to
have the mate you do not want.
Confucius Say
Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk
Confucius Say
"Never cut the rope that can be simply untied."
Confucius Say
If you do not wish to get to the point, never play leap
frog with a unicorn.
Confucius Say
The difference between roast beef and pea soup is that
anyone can roast beef.
Confucius Say
A fool and his money are soon partners.
Confucius Say
All's fear in love and war.
Confucius Say
Sex is like a Ford Explorer. Going too fast may cause a
roll-over injury
Confucius Say
"Ulcers aren't the result of what you eat. You get ulcers
from what's eating you."
Confucius Say
Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money.
Confucius Say
Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a
storm.
Confucius Say
Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.
Confucius Say
When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
Confucius Say
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get
it.
Confucius Say
Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get
the shaft.
Confucius Say
The only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back,
is a police horse.
Confucius Say
An optimist is a man who hasn't had many experiences yet.
Confucius Say
The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can
hold it.
Confucius Say
To ignore the facts, does not change the facts.
Confucius Say
Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.
Confucius Say
Girl who go on fishing trip with 6 men, come back with red
snapper.
Confucius Say
A woman will be "Queen of the sewers", if she has
accessible manhole.
Confucius Say
If a soda can goes to college, it will take "fizz ed".
Confucius Say
Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.
Confucius Say
Men are like fish... neither would get in trouble if they
kept their mouths shut.
Confucius Say
Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.
Confucius Say
Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.
Confucius Say
Company who make women's vibrators is called, Genital
Electric.
Confucius Say
Sperm sample from Nobel Prize winner is called, 'Stroke of
Genius'.
Confucius Say
If all women's lib activists were laid end to end, it would
be the best thing for them.
Confucius Say
Independent porno movie producers should form new company
called, 20th Century-Fux
Confucius Say
Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the
doc.
Confucius Say
Gay Austrailian man will leave his wife and return to
Sydney.
Confucius Say
Man who try doggie style sex, won't want to face his wife
again.
Confucius Say
Student who study history, will find there is no future in
it.
Confucius Say
Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will
feel drained.
Confucius Say
Epileptic lettuce farmer makes "Seizure Salad".
Confucius Say
If the washroom upstairs is occupied, there is a
hypotenuse.
Confucius Say
The only one whose troubles are behind him, is a school bus
driver.
Confucius Say
Just because men have one, doesn't mean they have to be
one.
Confucius Say
The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for
instant coffee.
Confucius Say
Alarm clock is something that makes people rise and whine.
Confucius Say
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Confucius Say
Argument between pharmacist and a patient is called a pill
owe fight
Confucius Say
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a
suit.
Confucius Say
Many arguments have two sides, but no end.
Confucius Say
The best defense against rape, is to beat off the attacker.
Confucius Say
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and
sometimes you weep.
Confucius Say
Cinderella would be bad at football. Her coach was a
pumpkin.
Confucius Say
When TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
Confucius Say
The palest ink is better than the best memory.
Confucius Say
Miners with illuminated helmets, will feel lightheaded.
Confucius Say
A man can keep his youth, by giving her money, furs and
diamonds.
Confucius Say
The best way to slow a runaway horse, is to bet on it."
Confucius Say
Getting sick at the airport, could be a terminal illness.
Confucius Say
Blondes have more fun because they are easier to amuse.
Confucius Say
Undertakers are nice - they're the last to let people down.
Confucius Say
Self-centered trumpet player, likes to toot his own horn.
Confucius Say
Jokes become a father, when the punch line becomes
apparent.
Confucius Say
A person will never tell a lie, if the truth will do more
damage.
Confucius Say
Best way to make wife's panties wet every day, is to do the
laundry.
Confucius Say
Balloon factory will go out of business if it can't keep up
with inflation.
Confucius Say
Man who start crystal ball factory, bound to make a
fortune.
Confucius Say
There is no future in writing a history book
Confucius Say
The difference between a lawyer and a chicken is, the
chicken clucks defiant.
Confucius Say
Men in a singles bar have one thing in common...they're all
married.
Confucius Say
"Migration" is the headache birds get when they fly South
for the winter.
Confucius Say
Lady who goes down first time out, is called "Titanic"
Confucius Say
Deaf people have phone sex by fax.
Confucius say,
"Whoever gossips to you, will gossip about
you."
Confucius Say
I ask wife for "light lunch". She serve fireflys.
Confucius Say
Crossing dinosaur with a pig, will make Jurassic Pork.
Confucius Say
An Austrailian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given
down under.
Confucius Say
Man who mix poison ivy with four leaf clover, have rash of
good luck.
Confucius Say
Prostitute with her hand in her panties is "self employed".
Confucius Say
Do not argue with spouse who is packing your parachute.
Confucius Say
Some fisherman catch their fish by the tale.
Confucius Say
Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the
pusher
Confucius Say
A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancée-free.
Confucius Say
If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into
reverse and keep going.
Confucius Say
Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the
juggler
Confucius Say
If you want to watch the world pass you by, try driving the
speed limit."
Confucius Say
An Impotent Loser is a man who can't even get his hopes up.
Confucius Say
A handkerchief should be called "Cold storage".
Confucius Say
Sex is like vacation....it never lasts long enough."
Confucius Say
Never tell a one legged hitch hiker to "hop in".
Confucius Say
Women are like convertables. They're both more fun with
their top down.
Confucius Say
A bachelor is a man who comes to work from a different
direction each morning.
Confucius Say
Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her
drawers
Confucius Say
The only place where success comes before work is in the
dictionary
Confucius Say
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your
children.
Confucius Say
When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to
unload it.
Confucius Say
"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never
owned a car."
Confucius Say
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
Confucius Say
A speech is like a bicycle wheel...the longer the spoke,
the greater the tire.
Confucius say,
"It is impossible to sling mud with clean hands".
Confucius Say
Always yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
Confucius Say
Don't let your affection give you an infection. Put some
protection on that erection.
Confucius Say
"Man who has nothing to say, should say nothing."
Confucius Say
In prison, best way to separate the men from the boys is
with a crowbar
Confucius Say
A good life is like toilet paper... Long and useful.
Confucius Say
Basic unit of laryngitis is 1 hoarsepower
Confucius Say
The perfect gift for man who has everything, is a burglar
alarm
Confucius Say
Christmas trees are like priests...Their balls are just for
decoration.
Confucius Say
Half of a large intestine is equal to one semicolon
Confucius Say
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...after a mediocre summer
Confucius Say
It is better to give than receive- especially advice."
Confucius Say
"Happiness is a way station between too little and too
much."
Confucius Say
Gynecologist and the pizza delivery man are very much
alike...
both get to smell the goods, but neither one can eat it.
Confucius Say
"Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career".
Confucius Say
An optimist is a person who doesn't understand the enormity
of the problem.
Confucius Say
Van Gogh was a painter because he didn't have an ear for
music.
Confucius Say
Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.
Confucius Say
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
Confucius say,
"A man may be a fool and not know it... but not if he is
married."
Confucius Say
The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
Confucius Say
Woman who wear something from Victoria's Secret, have no
more secrets.
Confucius Say
A 400 pound lady, who likes both men and women, is a
bisexual built for two.
Confucius Say
Husbands are like fires...they go out when left unattended.
Confucius Say
Character is like a fence...it cannot be strengthened by
whitewash.
Confucius Say
A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives
them to everyone else.
Confucius Say
Woman who gives away free potato chips, will offer you a
free Lay.
Confucius Say
It's better for civilization to be going down the drain
than to be coming up it.
Confucius Say
Surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary
Confucius say,
A virgin, sleeping on a waterbed is called 'cherry float'.
Confucius say,
Blowing into a blonde's ear is called Data transfer
Confucius say,
An "egghead" is what Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Confucius say,
Man with head up ass, can't see for shit.
Confucius say,
A transvestite is one who likes to eat, drink and be Mary
Confucius say,
A gay man with diarrhea is called juicy fruit!
Confucius say,
Eskimos go to Tupperware parties to find a tight seal.
Confucius say,
“Show off always shown up in showdown."
Confucius say,
“He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth”
Confucius say,
"A woman is the only hunter who uses herself for bait."
Confucius say,
Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to
eat them.
Confucius say,
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Confucius say,
"Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy"
Confucius say,
"The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation".
Confucius say,
" Look for helping hand on end of own arm."
Confucius say,
Marriages are made in Heaven...So are thunder &
lightning.
Confucius say,
"Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent "
Confucius say,
A wise man makes sure that his wife's birthday cake is
short one candle.
Confucius say,
Jamaiccan proctologist is called Pok-e-mon
Confucius say,
An egotist is a person more interested in himself, than in
me.
Confucius say,
Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
Confucius Say,
If man doesn't try different sex with one women, he shall
try one sex with different women.
Confucius say,
Real Estate People are a vacant lot.
Confucius say,
"Patience" is a naked woman lying down with her legs apart
under a banana tree.
Confucius say,
“Man with hand in pocket is all ways on the ball”
Confucius say,
A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally
ill patient.
Confucius say,
Man with poor vision can date anyone.
Confucius say,
“Man who put head it fruit drink, get punch in nose.”
Confucius say,
" Man who put cream in tart is not necessarily baker."
Confucius say,
An enemy is sometimes nothing more than a friend who got
wise to you.
Confucius Say,
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Confucius Say,
"He who thinks only of number one, must remember, it is
next to nothing"
Confucius Say,
Two wrongs may not make a right; but two Wrights made an
airplane.
Confucious say...
Women are like Lawn Mowers...If you're not pushing one
around, then you're riding it.
Confucious say...
"Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."
Confucius Say...
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
Confucius Say,
"hole happy, whole body happy"
Confucious Say:
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
Confucious Say:
When Einstein stared at his cousin's boobs, he discovered
'Theory of Relative Titty'.
Confucius Say...
Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
Confucius Say...
Husband who sleep on couch last night, have hard time
today.
Confucius Say...
Dirty hands make your nose itch.
Confucius Say...
Men are like cement...after getting laid, they take a
long time to get hard.
Confucius Say...
Knowledge was never known to enter the head via an open
mouth.
Confucius Say...
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Confucius Say...
Honor your personality flaws, for without them, you
would have no personality at all.
Confucius Say...
Forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit...but not nearly
as gratifying.
Confucius Say...
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the
back of a milk carton.
Confucius Say...
Man who keeps nose to the grindstone, have sharp
boogers.
Confucius say...
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Confucius Say...
Forgetful cow gives Milk of Amnesia!
Confucius Say...
"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even
if they already know everything."
Confucius Say...
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife that a fur
coat will make her look fat.
Confucius Say...
A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.
Confucius Say...
"If you girlfriend starts smoking, slow down and use a
lubricant.
Confucius Say...
"Winnie The Pooh will get angry if you stick your finger
in his honey."
Confucius Say...
" A man who cries while he masturbates is a real
tearjerker.
Confucius Say...
"The only way you can you get AIDS from a toilet seat
is by sitting down before the last guy gets up".
Confucius Say...
Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy...
but a social loser.
Confucius Say...
"Vegetarian" is an Indian word meaning, "lousy hunter".
Confucius Say...
"Every Amish woman's private fantasy is two Mennonite".
Confucius Say...
"Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the
Olympics.
Confucius Say...
"If you can't be content with what you have received, be
thankful for what you have escaped."
Confucius Say...
A wise man buys his wife fine china, so she won't trust
him to wash it.
Confucius say...
Religeous woman with hole in pocket, feel holy all day.
Confucius Say...
Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when
old.
Confucius Say...
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
Confucius Say...
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Confucius Say...
Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.
Confucius Say...
A virgin on waterbed is called a cherry float.
Confucius say...
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Confucius Say...
Asking a stupid question is better than repairing a
stupid mistake.
Confucius say...
Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.
Confucius say...
Wise man buy prunes...get good run for money
Confucius say...
Man who comes into money, have sticky financial
situation.
Confucius say...
A Rental Car is the only true all-terrain vehicle.
Confucius Say...
"A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document
and calls it a brief!"
Confucius say...
Woman like dollar bill; hard to pickup, but worth
effort.
Confucius say...
Question Authority and the Authorities will question
You.
Confucius say...
Always wear camouflage condoms: They won't see you
coming.
Confucius Say...
Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find
ways to stir soup
Confucius Say...
Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan
Confucius Say...
If you open the door to a lesser evil, a greater one
will slink in after it.
Confucius Say...
The greatest of all faults, is to be aware of none.
Confucius Say...
No time for your health today; no health for your time
tomorrow.
Confucius Say...
Karaoke is a Chinese word meaning "tone deaf".
Confucius Say...
Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole
weak.
Confucius Say...
If someone calls you fat, don't get angry... just turn
the other chin.
Confucius Say...
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's
too old to go anywhere.
Confucius Say...
If you continue to live in the past, your life is
history.
Confucius Say...
Man who says he knows how to control a wife is called a
bachelor.
Confucius Say...
It's OK for Schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not
against his Principal.
Confucius Say...
The very first doctor of dermatology, had to start from
scratch.
Confucius Say...
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you're in a
public restroom.
Confucius Say...
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain
himself.
Confucius Say...
New wives are like computers...they go down
unexpectedly.
Confucius Say...
Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.
Confucius Say...
He who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hands.
Confucius Say...
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
Confucius Say...
People having gift of gab, not know how to wrap it up.
Confucius Say...
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Confucius Say...
First breathe of love is the last breath of wisdom.
Confucius Say...
The definition of a true genius is a nudist with a
memory for faces.
Confucius Say...
Just one letter makes all the difference between here
and there.
Confucius Say...
Man who kisses girl's behind, get a crack in the face.
Confucius Say...
learn to masturbate...come in handy.
Confucius Say...
Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Confucius Say...
There is one thing that all smart asses have in
common... "Wise Cracks"
Confucius Say...
Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until
the work is done.
Confucius Say...
"Tact" is the unsaid part of what you're thinking.
Confusious say...
Dog may be man's best friend, but pussy not far behind.
Confucius say...
Man in bathroom with tool in hand is not necessarily a
plumber.
Confucius say...
Man who fall into an upholstery machine, eventually be
fully recovered.
Confucius Say...
Women are like rocks......We skip the flat ones.
Confucius Say...
People who say they never fart, are full of hot air.
Confucius Say...
Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of
traveling.
Confucius Say...
Putting teenager in prison, won't stop his face from
breaking out.
Confucius Say...
Love everybody...not every body.
Confucius Say...
If wise man marry, he become otherwise.
Confucius Say...
The best way to make a long story short is to stop
listening.
Confucius Say...
Don't confuse an open mind with one that's vacant.
Confucius Say...
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has
the same size bucket.
Confucius Say...
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Confucius Say...
Live each day as if it were your last, because someday
it will be.
Confucius Say...
It's ok to look back at the past....Just don't stare at
it.
Confucius Say...
If you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let
them know where you have it tied.
Confucius Say...
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her.
Confucius Say...
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Confucius Say...
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Confucius Say...
He who sleep on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.
Confucius Say...
Man who has money to burn, makes an ash of himself.
Confucius Say...
"Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the
whole woman have more."
Confucius Say...
Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
Confucius Say...
Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
Confucius Say...
Man who sucks nipples, make clean breast of things.
Confucius Say...
Girl who slides down bannister, makes monkey shine.
Confucius Say...
A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.
Confucius Say...
He who refuses to listen, is lying.
Confucius Say...
Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.
Confucius Say...
"He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two
graves."
Confucius Say...
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Confucius Say...
Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger
than them.
Confucius Say...
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
Confucius Say...
Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
Confucius Say...
If you want a committed man, look in mental hospital!
Confucius Say...
He who eats crackers in bed, get crummy sleep.
Confucius Say...
Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of
molehills.
Confucius Say...
Man who pulls on woman's bra-strap, may get bust in
mouth.
Confucius Say...
To make egg roll, push it.
Confucius Say...
Chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work.
Confucius say...
Girl's best asset is her `lie' ability.
Confucius say...
He who eats ice cream in car, is a Sundae Driver
Confucius say...
He who stick head in open window, gets pane in neck.
Confucius say...
Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
Confucius say...
Virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick.
Confucius Say...
army like blow job
closer to discharge you get, the
better it feels
Confucius Say...
"Woman who dance while wearing a jockstrap have make
believe ballroom.
Confucius Say...
"Man who smoke pot, choke on handle."
Confucius Say...
"Sailor who gets discharged from navy, leave buddies
behind."
Confucius Say...
Man who make love to cash register, come into money.
Confucius Say...
Man who fondle girl having period, get caught red
handed.
Confucius Say...
Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
Confucius Say...
He who sniffs coke, gets ice cube up nose.
Confucius Say...
"Woman who springs on inner spring this spring gets
offspring next spring."
Confucius Say...
"Sex on beach is like American beer...very near water.
Confucius Say...
"Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine."
Confucius Say...
Man who masturbate only screwing himself.
Confucius Say...
Man who do business in whore house , get jerked around
Confucius Say...
House without toilet is uncanny.
Confucius Say...
‘Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius Say...
Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind
in his orders.
Confucius say...
"He who light the fuse of love, get big bang."
Confucius say...
'Tis better to have loved a short woman than to have
never loved a tall
Confucius say...
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot, very
unsanitary.
Confucius say...
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Confucius say...
wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn
Confucius say...
Woman who marry detective must kiss dick.
Confucius say...
Woman who is wallflower at party, dandelion in bed.
Confucius say...
man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's
sink
Confucius say...
men and spray paint alike... One squeeze and they're all
over you.
Confucius Say...
the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut
Confucius Say...
Men are like Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all
that bright.
Confucius say...
It is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better
for boy to park meat in girl.
Confucius say...
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind
in his orders
Confucius say...
Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
Confucius say...
Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets
titbit.
Confucius say...
Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
Confucius say...
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
Confucius say...
He who crosses the ocean twice without bathing is a
dirty double crosser."
Confucius say...
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting
on pants !"
Confucius say...
"Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on
desk!"
Confucius say...
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
Confucius say...
Man who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting
image of his father.
Confucius say...
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
Confucius say...
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain
himself.
Confucius say...
girl who has sex in Egyptian tomb may soon become mummy
Confucius say...
woman is like jazz music---3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag
time.
Confucius say...
He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
Confucius say...
Cows without legs are ground beef
Confucius say...
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Confucius say....
woman who is in love with priest will chase him through
church
and grab him by the organ
Confucius say...
Economy will go up and down
when country is run by
yo-yo's
Confucius say...
Basketball player who marry midget lady
will be nuts
over her
Confucius say...
Chinese couple who have white baby, name it " Sum Ting
Wong"
Confucius say...
lady who slide down bannister,get slivers by cracky !
Confucius say...
man who date flat chested woman will be feeling low
Confucius say...
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
Confucius say...
Man who let woman on top, will screw up
Confucius say...
Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
Confucius say...
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Confucius say...
Sexy typist will bang on keyboard!
Confucius say...
Sumo Wrestling is survival of the fattest.
Confucius say...
'tis better to sleep with old hen, than pullet
Confucius say...
Many men bite , but Fu Man Chu
Confucius say...
Woman who fly airplane upside down
have " crack up "
Confucius say...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Confucius say...
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of
fly.
Confucius say...
He who walk through airport door sideways going to
Bangkok.
Confucius say...
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Confucius say...
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Confucius say...
Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.
Confucius say....
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Confucius say...
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Confucius say...
Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!
Confucius say...
"Foolish man give wife grand piano.
Wise man give
wife upright organ."
Confucius say...
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
Confucius say...
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at
night!"
Confucius say...
"It takes many nails to build crib,
but only one
screw to fill it."
Confucius say...
"Man who live in glass house should change in basement."
Confucius say...
"Man who run behind car get exhausted"
Confucius say...
"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
Confucius say...
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat
house."
Confucius say...
"Man who sleep in cat house by day, sleep in doghouse by
night."
Confucius say...
"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
Confucius say...
"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
Confucius say... "Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
Confucius say...
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
Confucius say...
"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem
wake up with
solution in hand"
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